It has been a full on 2 years that has seen my health deteriorate massively and progressively.
It is mad to think that 2 years ago I was walking miles (walking from London Bridge train station, along the Thames via Southbank, to Parliament/Big Ben, up through St James’ Park, to Hyde Park, through Hyde Park, to Kensington’s Holland Park- plus walking around Holland park and Hyde park for hours) catching Pokemon on Pokemon go…… now I can barely walk 10 metres to my car.
It started with just feeling fatigued a lot, not garden variety tiredness, but need to sleep 14 hours a day, fatigued, where I am used to 6-8 hours sleep. I went to the GP but because of my communication difficulties, I couldn’t explain how I felt or if there were any other ‘symptoms’ that the doctor needed to know about. So I was given a blood test form and went for my blood test. It came back normal levels for everything.
I repeated this a couple of times over several months. No one ‘likes’ going to the doctor, but I have spent years being fobbed off by doctors and treated like a child. I don’t go unless I really really have to, and that is usually when I don’t feel well enough to look after the kiddo.
My advocate, who is amazing, but really went ‘above and beyond’ as did my LIMA (low intensity management for autism) support worker/autism specialist- came with me to the GP when I explained that I was struggling to eat and drink enough.
My GP kept sending me for blood tests and said that I wasn’t ill enough for any help … yet. She didn’t think to make referrals or anything, just left it to the point where the LIMA support worker phoned an ambulance as I barely had enough energy to walk to the loo in my ground flat.
The next few months were spent in hospital, not being listened to, with consultants with huge egos and no empathy.
I couldn’t keep food or fluid down. I lost weight, and was constantly dehydrated. After several tests, and then a few more, I was referred to the hospital psychiatrist, because Autism and PTSD must mean that because it wasn’t an obvious thing, it must be in my head! (EYE ROLL).
In the end they couldnt keep me in hospital indefinitely using nasal gastric tubes (their policy is that adults are not allowed NG tubes at home), I was cleared by the eating disorders team as not suffering from an eating disorder, so they had to come up with another option. In the end, I had a PEG tube fitted, and as soon as I was allowed, I came home.
I have since been referred to St George’s Hospital in Central London to see top specialists.
With being home, fed enough and being hydrated I felt a lot better in myself, but that is when I started with the severe fatigue again and then my muscles in my legs gradually over a couple of months, stopped working like they should. According to the physio I have global muscle weakness which is impacting on a pre existing knee condition- but, they dont know why.
I was given a walking stick, and the physio agreed with the GP that a wheelchair would give me the chance to get out a bit more for longer days as I just cant walk far enough. So I have a very very basic folding active user wheelchair. It does the job, but I will need a slightly better chair down the line as it is still too heavy as it is not an ultra light chair and there are a few add ons I cant use, which would make my life easier, because of the way the chair folds. There are also a few other things which make the chair not exactly suitable for me longer term. However, I do love the chair as it has given me my freedom back a little. Even if I do need extra help to go to places.
The GP referred me to neurology in the end, I don’t even think she knows what is going on. So far the only explanation is that is could be nerve signals from the brain not working properly.
So when I get asked why I use a wheelchair, and have a feeding tube… my answer is not simple. It is frustrating as there is nothing I can do to make my situation better.
Physio wasn’t going well at all. It was confusing and made no sense. The strengthening exercises were about moving to a range of low discomfort and then holding for 5 seconds, which then caused ‘severe discomfort’ and he said to not do anything which causes severe discomfort.
I also hated the fact that the physio department in the hospital was a long walk which meant I was barely able to do the basic movements by the time I had got to the waiting room and then got to the therapy room. It probably isnt actually that long, but just the thought of having to walk to and from the car even with the stick, just filled me with dread.
I had one of my ‘screw everything’ moments when I was stressed and cancelled all future physio sessions – not that it matters because their website says they don’t deal with neurological conditions – and seeing as I am being referred to neuro, it could be neuro – so I don’t think it actually matters.
So that is how I got to where I am with my failing physical health.
32 years old and my body just doesn’t want to do what it was designed to do.
My mental health is also sketchy with the PTSD – maybe if I were a horse they would put me down… But I’m human – so I get the opportunity to struggle on and try and figure this crap out and try to make the best of the situation.
Although there are days where I think that whoever first said
When life gives you lemons – throw them at what/whoever is giving them to you
Is a bloody genius!
I guess a post on ‘why I hate the fact that now I am physically disabled and autistic – I have double the pressure to succeed and “overcome” my disabilties to make some NT able bodied people get the warm fuzzies’ will be my next post